hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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