Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
