I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize