i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
