Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
