I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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