Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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