also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
