Just fell off a train. Bad.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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