as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
