I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
A+ Viking dick
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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