someone threw a dead crab at me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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