at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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