He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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