Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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