I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
