can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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