did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
