drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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