i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
