Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
