u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
