Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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