things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
