physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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