I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
