how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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