took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
