Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
