Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
