I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
