Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize