she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
