Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You're completely useless in the revolution.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
