So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
