help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We don't watch enough power rangers
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
