i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
