The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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