No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Pants are for mortals
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
