You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
