Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
is it fun? or sober?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
