you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
