We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You are the jesus of drinking
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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