There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
