Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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