Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned

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(425): View more from Washington

Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from

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(606): View more from Kentucky

That's why Kanye is a gay fish.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.

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(831): View more from California

The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.

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(845): View more from New York

Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way

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(509): View more from Washington

There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.

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(971): View more from Oregon

NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.

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