At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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