hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
