So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he thought i was a dude.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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