So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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