you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
