I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize