Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
