im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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