I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
either way he was missing a nipple.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dicks are not precious.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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