You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
