fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
