It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
