If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
