Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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