I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
