thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize