forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just high enough for therapy.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
