How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
