He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
