He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
