I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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