I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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