If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
