but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
