Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
