I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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