I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
