The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
