please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
