I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
