I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
