so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
