Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
