just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
