I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
