i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
