Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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