Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
