I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
