Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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