last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there was a trapeze. enough said
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
