I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
