you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
