You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
