is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she told me i tasted like america
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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