In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
