apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
