i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
