I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
