I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize