I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
