his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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