It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize